Losing Weight Is Harder

Sticking to a healthy diet is much easier when health is at stake and you want to live.  When you’ve spent your entire life suffering and see no way out through medications and doctors, you do whatever it takes. Even if that means dropping that croissant for good. But when eating healthy has always been a challenge and the main motivation is to simply look good, eating healthy doesn’t easily become a priority. I’m not saying that there aren’t people who want to look good and do what it takes to get there. It’s just that if you always struggle with bad eating habits, just wanting to lose weight is probably not enough to make you stick to a regimen.



 (Left) 2012: 165 lbs                      (Right) 2013: 125 lbs

When I got scary sick in 2011 I was looking for a way out. Eating right for my body was my only way out. That meant eliminating all the wrong foods which only left room for vegetables, some fruit, and meat. My weight dropped to 125 lbs. eating this way. I looked a little too skinny. I was a tiny size 2. For a girl who went from a 10/12 at 165 lbs., that was a shock for me and for many people around me. I wasn’t  working out so there was no defined muscle. My body was a little loose from losing 40 lbs. But I quickly got used to being really thin. I stayed that way for almost 2 years until my body took on its normal shape. In those 2 years I tried gaining weight by eating more carbs but since I was so focused on staying healthy, the weight didn’t stick. Like most people, if you try hard enough to gain the weight, you eventually will. So my weight began increasing slowly. A little after 2 years I went from 125 to 140 lbs. I still felt good and I think I look better now. I had started physical therapy for my bad hip so I was learning to work out again. I figured if I wanted to stay here, I’d have to make a conscious effort because weight doesn’t stop climbing just by you wishing it would. I would love to stay here so I had to make changes again to maintain or lose a little.


When I went from a 10/12 to a size 2 I had bought an entirely new wardrobe. And now at size 4/6 nothing fit. So losing a little wouldn’t hurt.  I look and feel great don’t get me wrong. But in my mind I could stand to lose a few just so I could fit back in to some of my clothes. It’s crazy how accepting yourself as you are is such a difficult task. I sometimes refer to myself as skinny-fat. I especially feel that way after I eat a meal that makes me bloated. I wish I knew how to make my mind see what my eyes see.


So in my quest to look like I think I should I began focusing on my diet again and working out at 3 to 4 times a week. This time it wasn’t to focus on healing like before. This time it was strictly to make my body look how I wanted it to look and to fit into at least some of my tiny clothes. Let me tell you something. It is so much harder for me to follow a clean eating routine and health regimen when my focus is weight versus when it was about healing. When I focused on healing, I was desperate, sad, and hopeless. This was my only way out. I had to eat right or I would die before experiencing all that God had for me. But losing weight when I felt nothing major would really happen if I failed, just wasn’t motivating enough.

I don’t know if anyone else really feels this way but for me it was so obvious. Thinking about it from a “lose weight” perspective was so completely different from the “get healthy” perspective. I’m still on my never-ending journey. I want to never get complacent with where I am. I want to get to be a healthy old lady. In order to get there I must get up every time I fall and notice where changes can be made.

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